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If you find it difficult to make or maintain eye contact during sex, you’re not alone. Here’s why most people prefer eyes-closed sex.
Do you or your partner have eyes-closed sex, or do you prefer to lock gazes with your lover and soak up the moment? Depending on your answer, you may not be surprised to learn that 32% of couples don’t make any eye contact during sex.
If your partner keeps their eyes closed while having sex, it may be a little unsettling. Is he afraid of connecting by locking eyes with you, or is she too busy fantasizing about someone else to be concerned with looking you in the eyes?
The endless possibilities of why this is happening may drive you into an internally paranoid or jealous frenzy. Or hey, maybe not so internally.
If that’s the case, settle down, because the answer to what your partner is really thinking while their eyes are closed may not be so scandalous after all.
Reasons why people like eyes-closed sex
There are many reasons why your partner may be more inclined to shut their eyes during sex, and rarely will it have anything to do with you. Here are the most common reasons for men and women to keep their eyes closed while getting down and dirty.
#1 It’s just plain awkward. Eyes-open sex is definitely for the brave or the super connected. Why? Because locking eyes while getting your groove on is just awkward. TV sex would like us to believe passions between partners is smoothly gliding bodies, flat tummies, and big dicks.
But the truth is, there is nothing dignified about real-life sex. Looking at double chins, hairy legs, and non-bleached bum-holes isn’t always so romantic.
#2 She’s trying to cum. While men usually just take a couple strokes to get in the mood and climax, the opposite is true for most women. Women need a truck-load of concentration to get into the mood, and especially to cross the finish line. If your love likes eyes-closed sex, she’s probably trying to focus on having an orgasm.
#3 He’s trying not to cum. If your boyfriend likes eyes-closed sex, the reason may not be as scandalous as you think it is. No, he’s not fantasizing about his ex. No, he’s not remembering the last porn he watched.
Actually, he might be trying not to cum at all. If you have a giving lover, then he’s probably doing the chivalrous thing and trying to bring you to orgasm before he finishes.
If a man is closing his eyes during sex, the truth is he’s probably thinking about work, math, the hockey game, or what you’ll be watching later. Basically, anything distracting that prevents him from cumming before you do.
After all, the visual of you gyrating and thrusting against his manhood with your breasts jiggling against your body, hair a mess, and sweat dripping down your skin, isn’t exactly keeping his orgasm at bay. For most men, it’s hard enough to listen to a woman’s moans without going over the edge. Give the poor guy a chance!
#4 Fear of intimacy. Another reason your lover may be sticking to eyes-closed sex is to avoid intimacy. Maintaining eye contact during something as intense as sex can leave you feeling incredibly vulnerable.
If you don’t trust your partner, or don’t feel emotionally connected, you may not feel so inclined to look them in the eyes. If your one night stand or FWB isn’t keeping eye contact, this may also be the reason why.
#5 Just enjoying the sensations. Sometimes we like closed-eyes sex simply because we’re enjoying ourselves. Listening to each other’s breathing, kissing, enjoying the smacking of your bodies together, the feeling of how tight and wet she is, and his penis inside you. Having eyes-closed sex means fewer distractions and more time to indulge in the sexy sounds and sensations happening around you. [Read: Slow sex – 13 steamy reasons why it’s the best sex ever]
#6 Fantasizing. Alright, so as much as your partner may not be fantasizing about someone else during sex, there’s also a good possibility that they are.
This doesn’t mean you have to jump down their throat or assume that they’re thinking about someone else. In fact, there’s a good possibility that you’re in the fantasy. You just might be a different version of yourself, like a secretary, school teacher, boss, or you may be accompanied by other lovers.
Whatever the case, your partner is going to have a harder time imagining themselves in naughty scenarios with you staring back at them.
How to bring up eyes-open sex
If you want to open your sex life up to new visual experiences, you’re going to have to bring it up to your lover. Here are a few helpful dos and don’ts for how to get your partner to look at you during sex.
#1 DON’T: Go into a jealous frenzy.
#2 DO: Tell them how sexy you find it when they check you out while you’re making love.
#3 DON’T: Accuse your partner of not finding you attractive.
#4 DO: Say “Look at me, baby”/”Show me those eyes.”
# DON’T: Accuse your partner of fantasizing about someone else.
#6 DO: Make the experience as sexy as possible.
#7 DON’T: Suggest they can’t orgasm while looking at you.
#8 DO: Expect any change in sexual behavior to take time.
#9 DON’T: Criticize your partner for feeling awkward or uncomfortable making eye contact with you.
#10 DO: Practice, practice, practice.
Remember that habits can’t be changed overnight, especially the sexy kinds. You can practice making eye contact during sex by working it into your routine for five seconds at a time. This will help you both get into the hang of locking eyes while you’re locking lips. [Read: Passionate lovemaking – All the sexy secrets you need to know]
Should I feel offended?
You may be wondering if you should feel offended by your partner’s visual lack of emotional intimacy during sex, and the answer is no. Having eyes-closed sex is just a different way of putting yourself deep into the moment. As long as it feels good and both of you are having fun, don’t sweat it.
If your lover tends to keep to themselves visually during sex, don’t freak out. In fact, having eyes-closed sex may be sending your partner into ecstasy, so don’t knock it until you try it.